Consequences Series
by ani
Summary: a simple request by Himawari throws Doumeki and Watanuki into a personal struggle. *donuts shonenai-ness*
1. Collapse

Collapse

by ani

Disclaimer: it's all CLAMP's universe, I'm only playing in it.

Warning: Doumeki's alittle ooc here.

* * *

He stopped sweeping once he caught sight of him. That dark hair hanging in his scowling face always made him want to smile. But he'd held it back, he wasn't ready... 

The idiot's joy at lunch gave him a whole new reason.

Kunogi had asked Watanuki to go out with her tomorrow. Just the two of them.

Of course, Watanuki jumped to conclusions - she was going to confess her feelings and they'd live happily ever after.

He turned toward the gate as he stopped and waited, tapping his foot.

Who lives happily ever after?

His conclusions seemed to be chasing him as badly as those spirits were after the idiot.

So he turned back and started sweeping.

The stomping would have made him smirk. "Don't ignore me you asshole! Yuko's got another job for us. Come on-"

"No."

"- Yuko said I had to get you before..." he finished before he realized what he'd said. "Huh?"

"I said no. I can't keep doing this."

"What, these jobs?" he paused, shrugging slightly, "Well... you never get anything for it... and you do get hurt a lot..."

"That's not what I'm talking about," he turned to him again. "I can't do this anymore. I've got to face the facts, stop pretending."

"Face what facts? What the hells are you muttering about?" he suddenly launched into a rant.

He wasn't happy about this one.

"That you aren't hiding anything. That you really mean what you say." he sighed as he stared into those beautiful blue eyes. "That you really are that oblivious."

He wrenched his gaze away. "Quit talking like Yuko and answer me damn it!" his voice wavered between rage and confusion.

He just kept staring. "I had thought, hoped it was all an act, trying to get me into this rivalry you claim is between us. But after the ghost story ceremony, Yuko started throwing us together, you came to me for help, confided in me. We've helped each other a lot," he paused as his hand moved to his eye. "Even with the bentos; I only expected the next day, but you let me goad you into more, you kept bringing what I asked for."

He smiled softly as he jumped, raising his head again.

"I never complained, never doubted any of it, never doubted you..." his eyes got steely, that gruff voice getting colder, harder. "But I started doubting myself."

He narrowed his eyes, confused, "What do you mean?"

"Hmpf... Yuko kept throwing us together, hinting at... even Kunogi sees something between us..." mentioning both of them seemed to upset and confuse him even more. "I confess."

"Confess what?" he sputtered before he froze, staggering back, "Y-You don't mean... you..."

"I pinned my hope on Yuko's claim what we're destined. I kept telling myself I could wait. I wanted you to figure out your feelings on your own. I didn't want you to feel you owed me." he stepped closer, stopping at arms length. "I have to let go of the hope and face the facts. You don't feel the same for me."

"Doumeki..." he started, voice wavering.

He had to stop himself from cupping his cheek. Clenching that hand between them, he caught the brief twinge of fear in his eyes. "I can't keep doing this. You don't even consider me a friend. But I do love you Watanuki Kimihiro. I've put my life in danger countless time just to make sure you survive. You had my heart and soul long before you had my eye."

He just stood there and watched him, his eyes darting back and forth, unfocused as he looked back. His voice was barely above a whisper, "Then why...?"

He fought to stay in control. "Your 'date' tomorrow. Even though you're jumping to conclusions..." he had to turn away, close his eyes. "I wanted you to know," he took a few steps back, turning to the temple as he finished. "So I can try to get over you."

The slow footsteps made him turn his head as he opened the door. He just watched him wander off the grounds.


	2. Shatter

Title: Shatter

Author: ani

Word count: 487

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: it's CLAMP's universe, I'm only playing in it.

Warning: alittle ooc, angsty

* * *

He wasn't too surprised to find Yuko waiting at the gate when he finally looked up. But why was it dark already? 

She gave him a caring look and a gentle smile before sending him home, the job could wait.

But all he could do was stand there in the dark, still wearing his coat, still holding his bag, still in his shoes.

It wasn't the shock, it was the confusion.

He'd never really thought about it. Sure, he grumbled about the fan club, all the attention… Doumeki could have his pick of any of the girls at school. But he never wondered why he didn't.

Why he was so distant, such a loner.

It could have been the whole temple thing.

"But his grandfather was head priest… It's not like he couldn't…" he mumbled.

He had admitted and accepted he didn't have many friends thanks to his weird nickname. You'd think being 'One of the Seven Wonders' would be a good thing. But Himawari-chan…

… was the only one who wanted to…

"No… who tried…"

even that didn't sound right. No matter how hard he tried, he could not remember why he started that first fight with Doumeki. He wasn't even sure why he hated him so much. He knows he should be grateful about the warding and the rescues. And, as much as he grumbled about it, he secretly took the lunches as a challenge – especially when they were out-of-season.

Maybe his fawning over Himawari…

He keeps getting hurt, risking his life.

Protecting me… saving me.

"They died trying to save me."

He was surprised when he realized he never really thought about his future. Sure, he worried about his assignments, the bills, when he'd finally get his wish fulfilled. But never about the life he wanted, the whole 'What I wanna be when I grow up'. He'd been taking care of himself for so long now, that the only time he really felt his age was at school…

"And with…"

he had chalked it up to the whole temple thing again as to why he kept turning to Doumeki for advice, confiding in him. Or was it Yuko's insistence that he be friends with him, they could help each other. He was right: he never questioned any of it, never argued, never fought, nothing.

"Blind faith…"

but he always believed; did whatever was asked of him. Sometimes what wasn't. he accepted everything – even the rants and insults (throwing more than enough back) – like it was nothing. As normal as breathing, as common as the sun rising. Like it was always a part of his life.

Like he wanted it to always be.

"But he keeps… I keep hurting him."

Directly. Indirectly.

Physically. Spiritually. Emotionally…

Every pain he's endured is because of me

"And now he's…"

he never thought…

he didn't want to… but he did.

He couldn't…

"He'll only get hurt again."

But he's…


	3. Daze

1Title: Daze

They'd avoided each other all day. He'd only seen him head inside just as he'd stepped through the gate. He didn't show up for lunch. Himawari-chan asked if something had happened again. He couldn't answer her. He didn't answer anyone or anything all day. He was beginning to wonder why he'd gone to school.

He couldn't stop thinking about it.

He almost slapped himself for wondering why he wasn't waiting at the gate after school.

He tried to push it all back, aside, somewhere as he headed to work. He didn't want to spill it all to Yuko and have her give some long-winded vague answer that would only confuse him even more.

He'd stopped walking. Looking up, her realized why.

"His temple," he whispered.

Yesterday, he was angry...

Now... he didn't know.

A strange calm settled over him as he stood there, staring.

Maybe this is why he'd so quiet, so stoic.

So strong.

It is why he believes, even when he can't see it.

But why does he put up with it all, take it?

No... why did he?

Why did he?

The breeze picked up. The trees swayed. Leaves blew across the ground. The bells and chimes sounded softly. Petals brushed his cheek. Heaving a sigh, he turned to leave.

"Hey."

He didn't even turn.

"Did you need anything?"

"I just..." he stopped, suddenly at a loss for words.

Why was he there?

Sure, he'd stopped, but he could have left - should have - when he realized where he was. But he'd just stood there. Think about him. Wondering about him.

Now here he was.

And his mind wasn't.

"Hey."

"I have to get to work," he stated as he started to leave.

"Hmm."

The indifference in that sound made him stop, barely turn to him. "It's not a date."

He didn't expect a reply.

Finally looking at him, he wasn't sure how he felt at seeing that stoic gaze almost crack. "Himawari wants my help to find you a birthday present." Doumeki turned away at his explanation, "She told me at lunch since you weren't there. She thinks we're fighting again. She said I didn't have to."

He turned back up the road. "I've got to go."

He left him standing outside the gate.


	4. Release

Title: Release  
Author: ani  
Word Count: 464  
Disclaimer: it's CLAMP's universe, I'm only playing in it.

Note: the sound effect is taken from Vol. 2 - the ghost story ceremony. And I have no idea how archery targets look, so I set this one at 4 rings, counting from outside in.

* * *

FU-BOING

Since when did he turn into the idiot?

"Too far right," he muttered as he drew his next arrow.

_"It's not a date"_ echoed.

FU-BOING

Now left

Why was everything out there after him?

... maybe that's why he thinks Kunogi...

FU-BOING

It barely hit the top.

All he had been was a minor annoyance before. The times they had classes together, he always felt he had to be better than he was.

The first time he wasn't started that fight.

FU-BOING

Actually got within the third.

He wasn't smug about it, but looking back now it was funny. It's not like he's improved in math since.

But why did his life suddenly revolve around this guy?

FU-BOING

Right beside his first shot.

Save his life one time...

... and now keeping him alive is all that matters to you.

FU-BOING

Second ring, 7 o'clock

Exorcizing spirits.

Stopping him from falling off the building.

Taking every hit and cut so he won't have to.

He'd endured a lot to keep him safe, keep him here.

FU-BOING

The line between the third and the center.

But why did the serious threats affect him like that?

FU-BOING

The left leg of the stand.

He didn't know why he immediately started digging when Watanuki disappeared under the hydrangeas. All he knew was that's where he went and he had to follow.

FU-BOING

Missed it completely.

The damn spider...

Hadn't the idiot learned by now that he was supposed to protect him, take all the attacks.

FU-BOING

In the center ring.

But it was that mother figure... succubus, vampire, whatever the hells she was that made him admit his feelings were real.

His death was his greatest fear.

FU-BOING

The outer ring.

Of course, the idiot wouldn't stop seeing her, even when he knew it was killing him.

He was so damn close to kicking his ass.

FU-BOING

In the center ring again.

But he knew then... like he did yesterday... he couldn't let him.

His life was still his only concern.

It's just... he just wasn't that important to him.

Not even close.

FU-BOING

It ended up in the dirt.

Right back to yesterday...

He remembered the times he almost confessed before... every time the idiot was getting in too deep... He almost did just to pull him out.

But he was scared.

Every time he almost lost him...

Each time he'd go too far...

... the times he mooned over her.

He couldn't bring himself to raise his arm.

It was the first time he'd given up.

He had been telling himself it was a ploy, another way to goad Watanuki into seeing his feelings. Why he was always so close.

But it wasn't...

And now...

FU-BOING

Dead center.

He was gonna face this new fear.

Head on.


	5. Defy

Title: Defy  
Author: ani  
Disclaimer: it's CLAMP's universe, I'm only playing in it.  
Word Count: 1085

Author's Note: it's the end! Ya'll finally get your kiss!

* * *

He was in their usual spot: curled up on the ground, leaning back against the tiger bench in the circle. He calmly walked over, sitting on the other side of the tiger with his back to him.

He was way too quiet: he was beginning to wonder if he realized he was there.

"I was the idiot this time."

Still no reaction.

"I… I got scared," he sighed, leaning on his knees, hands curved above his mouth, "I gave up… or tried to. I realized I can't."

"Why?" he whispered.

Grateful for the reaction, he continued. "My purpose in life is to protect you…at least that's how I see it. All these jobs, all the spirits, the attacks…every time I've always known your part, your life is more important than mine."

"No," came out in a whisper.

He started shifting towards him, "But I noticed other things too. Eating you food, walking you places, taking your rants, listening to your stories, giving advice, even those times with the twins made me see we're actually friends. Or at least, we were."

Another "No," came out.

He didn't hear that one. Turning away, Doumeki added, "That motherly ghost almost killing you made me see the real truth. I've been in love with you from the start. I kept fighting it, hiding it because of you claiming we're rivals… your fawning over Kunogi."

"I kept waiting, hoping you'd see it… you never tried to ask her out, never talked about confessing to her, so I was safe… I could wait…"

"Why…?"

"I couldn't get her asking you out of my head, you assuming she was going to confess. I don't know how Kunogi feels, but she would if she did."

Leaning forward again, he hung his head, "I wanted to be the first one who… I wanted you to… I couldn't even think about you with any one else…" he sighed, closing his eyes. "But you're as obvious as you are oblivious, and I thought that you…"

"How could…?"

He only turned his head, "I already said it, you're life is more important than mine."

The silence made him nervous.

"But…?"

He turned his head to the side. "I'm not sure. The way you've been these last couple of days; this gut feeling that I did something wrong; that I have to fix it. Knowing my whole world, my whole life is nothing without you." He twisted toward him, one leg curling on the bench as he reached for a slender shoulder. "I can't push you away if I'm supposed to keep you safe, alive."

The hand was smacked away as Watanuki spun around, suddenly on his knees. "You pompous arrogant asshole! Did you ever think about how I feel? Have you ever even considered why I'm doing all of this? The 'mooning and fawning', all Yuko's damn jobs? I DON'T WANT THESE POWERS! I DON'T WANT THIS LIFE!" he roared, hopping to his feet, "I'm sick of all these things following me, wanting to eat me, avoiding so many places, so many things because there's just too many of them there. I'm sick of getting sick every time I'm too close to them, of getting hurt by them."

Doumeki just stood up, watching him.

"I just want a normal life; to not have to worry if I'm gonna get killed in a minute or a week. I'm just so-" he cut off, turning his gaze to the fox.

It just pulled Doumeki closer, around the tiger, "So what?"

He started backing away, turning around as he shook his head, squeezing his eyes tight.

"What?"

He could feel the tears rolling away. "Tired…"

"Of what?" his voice was softer, closer.

"E-everything… my job, my blood, my life…" his voice shook.

He knew what he meant. "Being alone," got him a nod, "but you're not, I won't let-"

"NO!" he practically screamed as he panicked, spinning around and backing away again. "NO! I lost my parents when they tried to save me and I don't wanna…" he petered off as the sobs broke out.

He jumped at his words. "No wonder," me whispered as he watched him fall to his knees. Careful not to touch him, he knelt down in front of him. "I'm sorry… I didn't know you lost them because of your… ability," it was the nicest way he could think of.

Watanuki seemed to pull himself together as he sat up, "Do you get it now? I know I don't have a chance with Himawari, but it makes me feel like a normal kid. But she's been involved with the shop and Yuko, so even she's getting too close. And you, … I know your feelings and I … but you keep getting hurt… you even lost your soul because of me. I can't let anyone else die because of me."

He caught his hands before he could stand. "So you'd rather be scared and alone? I won't let you. You can't tell me I haven't helped you in any way, either saving your life or just listening to you. Supernatural or otherwise, I'm here for you. I love you moron and I'm not gonna let you go without a fight. Let me in, let me help."

He just shook his head as he helped him up, "I…"

Fingers were gently pressed to his lips. "You know you'll lose, so stop fighting me."

The shock at the touch was only amplified by the words.

All he could do was nod as he was pulled into his arms. "I don't know why you think my life is more important than yours," he mumbled into his chest.

He smiled softly as he placed his cheek against his hair. "Because it's you."

He didn't move, so he savored the moment.

"I-I won't let you leave," his still shaky voice declared softly. Reluctantly pulling back, he turned to stare deep into those unusual amber eyes. "You won't leave and you won't die on me," he paused at his short nod. He could feel the blush rising, "I couldn't live without you…. I … I love you."

The warm smile spreading across Doumeki's face surprised and excited him. And it just kept growing as he realized he was leaning closer and closer to him. Barely licking his lips before closing his eyes, not even his dry lips, the roughness of the kiss could hide the deep rooted truth, the total devotion, the undying love and countless emotions he felt.

They both felt.


End file.
